Sunday, November 27, 2005

Crap! I'm using british spelling.

Ben and Michele noticed that I have indeed been using British spelling. Surprisingly enough, this isn't because I'm living in Europe. In actuality, the blame lies solely with that damn English rag, The Economist. "Favourite, Colour, Labour, bloody hell, and lots of other things that I can't pronounce". There are several British guys in my office that may be from England but absolutely DO NOT speak the English language. They put together a string of words that I can almost understand, but the sentences make no sense, and they guffaw at every other phrase. idiots. I understand my cheese-eating surrender monkey roommate better than them. Speaking of the surrender monkey, I've put together a bet with him that will enrich me soon enough. That chain-smoking bastard got too drunk last night and bet that he could give up smoking for a week. I bet him I could give up beer and television. The loser has to cough up 2000 crowns ($80 bucks or so). I'm confident I'll be buying beer with his blood-money for a good week or so.

The earth is an oval

The priest was discussing the advent wreath today in mass. He said something like this (and I paraphrase)... "The four advent candles represent the 4000 years of history during which mankind was waiting for the messiah. Of course, these days we know that the earth is more than 5000 years old, even if some people don't want to believe it (chuckle)." Pat Robertson probably would have had a noxious gas emission had he heard that.

Vince Young sucked ass on Friday

Vince Young sucked ass on Friday. Really sucked ass. I was at Jama pub in downtown Prague at 5pm on Friday, early enough that I could reserve the tv and fight off all drunken british guys who wander through. I felt confident that we would beat the shit out of A&M like we do every year. But it's been 5 years since they had won - they were due. But couldn't they just be due NEXT year? Apparently not. After Texas took the early lead (14-0) I started trash talking with the Penn State fan, Alejandro, who was sitting across from me. But soon I was practically hyperventilating and having severe heart palpitations as the aggies came back and eventually took the lead. By the end of the game I felt so bad that I couldn't be consoled by my neighbors, even though we had won. Just an awful, awful game. I was so worked up that I actually developed a fever. Terrible. We have to make it to the Rose Bowl. I wouldn't be able to take it if we lost to Colorado. I was at the big 12 championship game a couple of years ago when we would have gone to the Nat'l Championship game if we just beat them. Of course those retards won and we went to the Holiday bowl or whatever. Well I can't go to the game this year, and I'm not going to watch it either. I just can't take anything else like friday. I'm going to my girlfriend's parents' house and I'm going to learn to cook goulash with dumplings. So there.

Thursday, November 24, 2005

Thanksgiving

Celebrating Thanksgiving in Eastern Europe is an awkward thing. Should I plan a party and invite a bunch of expats who bring different dishes? Or should I just find a pub with cold beer and turkey breast? I find myself working this Thanksgiving, a somewhat sad if predictable state of affairs. I could have had the day off, but what would I do? My mom told me that, in no uncertain terms, I should not cook a bird, as that would be a predictable disaster. Jana is meeting me at Tulip Café for a round of beers and, hopefully, some Thanksgiving food. It’s an American pub, they have to have the stuff. Thanksgiving is my favourite holiday because of the fact that it’s so unassuming. You don’t go buy presents or decorations – you just bring a round hat made out of construction paper in third grade and stick a feather on your neighbour. The three most important aspects of the holiday are food, family and football. This is the main reason I love it – I sleep until noon then walk into the kitchen and find three women cooking a giant bird. I get a beer, join my dad on the sofa for the NFL pregame show, and wait for the eating. We’re served at three, at a table festooned with nice silverware and cloth napkins. As soon as I’ve had three platefuls of food I avoid conversation and retire to the couch for 4-6 hours of football viewing. Then, of course, are the turkey sandwiches, probably my favourite food of all. Two of those for dinner and I’ll sleep for the 12 hours it takes to prepare for the A&M game on Friday. Perhaps next year I’ll be less lazy and actually put something together for the holiday. But this year isn’t so bad- beer, turkey, girlfriend, pub…and tomorrow I will get to watch the Texas-Texas A&M game. Happy Thanksgiving everyone.

Vince Young is awesome

In honor of tomorrows impending destruction of the Aggies, I thought I might post a bit of an article that Kyle sent me:

"Even if this team wins it all, the whole deal, in my mind it won't be the best Longhorn team of all time," Jenkins said in a recent e-mail. "That's because this team is led by an alien, not a human, and its biggest threat is a busted play where the alien goes back to pass, can't find a receiver, then runs over everybody for a touchdown. If Vince Young carried the ball on every play, Texas would win games 85-0. But that's not a team, it's a group of undistinguished guys led by a monster from outer space."

Lil'Steve gets a little love...

So lil'Steve sent me this email the other day. He's about to be deployed in the peacekeeping mission in Kosovo.

No...no HD-TV, which is bull*$"#!. But yea me and the other 3 guys in my hut are gonna split the cost for satellite internet, which will be like 80 bucks a month total, but really high bandwidth. The service they provide us there is like 52k. Theres a nice gym with all kinds of workout s&#$, and a pretty good chow hall. So i'll be eating alot and working out alot. Hohenfels sucks big donkey balls, but especially where my Task Force is going to stay. It started snowing the minute we got here and the f*$&ing mud gets everywhere. I get to spend thanks giving in Nurnburg which is cool, but besides that i wont really get to see anymore of germany. I cant wait to get to Kosovo. The sooner we get there the sooner we get to come home. By the way im getting married when i get back, probably in march or something. When i get to Kosovo i'll send you a picture of her. I am one lucky sonofb*$&h. Crazy huh... Anyway, im not sure the next time ill be able to get online so if anything i'll contact you in about 3 and half weeks. I had a blog but i guess it got hut down due to inactivity. Maybe i'll start a new one when i get to where im going. Have a goog thanks giving and Gig 'Em. -Lil' Steve
ummm...Hey Steve, I don't give a crap about your tv-viewing situation in Kosovo, nor the weather outside your tent. But there was a bit of information in there that you could expand upon...

Sunday, November 20, 2005

Wintertime is here again...


IMG_2584
Originally uploaded by nickmoles.

Friday night was a pleasantly hazy conglomeration of loud conversation and copious booze. Matthieu and I went to Meduzza, a psuedo 20's intellectual salon, known for comfy chairs and cheap italian barrel wine. We chatted for a bit, then argued with the welshmen at the next table whether or not removing the pads from american football players would be safe (short answer: no. but they were morons and don't have giant black guys in Wales).

Afterward we walked back throug the neighborhood to Pizzeria Roma, which is conveniently open 24 hours a day. We had 3 pizzas between the two of us, as well as a couple of beers. As we left I exited earlier than matthieu (who was fiddiling with his clothing - the guy wears like 6 layers of scarves, shirts, and hats) and noticed there was a blizzard outside. i was drunk and hoped that if i ignored it the snow would stop, so i yelled at matthieu to sit back down and not to look out the window.

nonetheless we trudged through the stuff, and I managed to take this cool picture from my window. I miss the beergardens, but their time will come again.

Friday, November 18, 2005

News stories that entertained me today

While surfing today, I came across these gems: 1) I spoke yesterday about the stupidity of 'Intelligent Design'. Now more Vatican guys are coming out in support of my position:

The Vatican's chief astronomer said Friday that "intelligent design" isn't science and doesn't belong in science classrooms, the latest high-ranking Roman Catholic official to enter the evolution debate in the United States. The Rev. George Coyne, the Jesuit director of the Vatican Observatory, said placing intelligent design theory alongside that of evolution in school programs was "wrong" and was akin to mixing apples with oranges. "Intelligent design isn't science even though it pretends to be," the ANSA news agency quoted Coyne as saying on the sidelines of a conference in Florence. "If you want to teach it in schools, intelligent design should be taught when religion or cultural history is taught, not science."
2) I came across this great story today:
GROWING numbers of migratory birds are too lazy to fly all the way to Africa for the winter and are staying in Britain.
I like how this writier is making a value judgement about the birds. They're 'lazy' just because they're not going to africa anymore. Maybe a mix of global warming/drought in afrika/addiction to beavis and butthead reruns are the cause? No, no, it's just that today's birds have been pampered too much and can't make the effort to get down to the Congo like their hard-working parents did. 3) I had to post this: Drunken elks attack old people's home My favorite quote:
There have been previous problems with elks: a female elk recently attacked three joggers in Norway. Last year another elk in Sweden stole a bicycle from a garden, which it regularly visited to eat the roses. An elderly couple had used the bike to fence off their garden; the elk disappeared with the bike hanging round its neck. The bike was later found bent and damaged beyond repair.
This just proves that we really aren't that far away from our animal friends. Or at least I'm not. 4) The headline:"Pub Has its Own Nursing Home...."
A nursing home in Ireland has hit on a cheering way to keep up the spirits of its elderly patients -- by providing its own pub. St Mary's Hospital in County Monaghan, near the Irish border with Northern Ireland, believes ready access to a good pint may help its patients -- average age 85 -- actually live longer.
Yes! A czech person was just telling me today how plum brandy is very good for me...but all czechs say that about all czech food/alcohol. They think a night at the pub is the equivalent of a vitamin shot and a marathon. 5) News on the balding front. Important information for people such as myself. 6) The cultural impact of beavis and butthead. My favorite quote:
To truly appreciate Beavis and Butt-head, you have to watch from a similar place, a Zen rock garden of peaceful imbecility. There's an almost Beckett-like purity to the tedium of Beavis and Butt-head's serenely empty lives; in one short, "Killing Time," the boys wait out the two hours until something good comes on TV by staring at the gas meter outside Butt-head's house. "Time sucks," Butt-head finally observes. Beavis' response: a chuckle, then silence.
Just reading that made me laugh.

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

Dirty Dogg

Hot dogs are already the confection most famous for containing things unnamed and unmentionable. How bad is this...

Snoop has proven he can spread himself thin and still win. But like comic book superheroes, super rapper Snoop has a sidekick to help him out: his entrepreneurial 26-year-old brother, Bing Worthington. Together, their endeavors include Snoop Dogg Clothing, Cadillac Snoop DeVilles, Snoop Dogg skateboards and now, foot-long frankfurters. You guessed it: Snoop Doggs.
Umm...I'm just gonna take a guess here and say that, after 15 years in the rap business, snoop's 'dogs' ain't the most clean and hygenic thing on the market.
“There aren’t any celebrity hot dogs out there,” he said. “Who’s the competition? Ball Park?”
This man knows nothing about the hot dog business. Everyone knows the Jews have the best rolled meat. Hebrew National is king - best damn hot dogs in existence. I won't touch a hot dog unless it's been blessed by a rabbi. Biatch.

1 year of nonsense

If anyone noticed, today is my first Blogiversary. I have completely failed in my initial hope of creating a ‘politically balanced and insightful commentary on the dangers and advantages of outsourcing’. Instead you get ham-handed attempts at writing about Prague, links to obviously stupid news stories, and Michal Jackson jokes. I feel like there are a number of reasons for these failures: My command of the English language: Definitely falling. Remember: I spend a significant portion of my day with people who can’t pronounce the letter ‘W’. Immaturity: The other night I got home from work and watched the 11pm ‘Beavis and Butthead. This is the exact same thing I did when I was 13. Some things really don’t change. Slang: Disconnected from the American slacker homeland, I’ve acquired a weird old-timey twang. And I don’t use the word ‘crunk.’ Work: I spend all day using logic to figure out financial problems*. This doesn’t exactly get the creative juices flowing, and makes everything I write sound like a book report. *Please note this sentence is 100% false. Nonetheless I appreciate everyone taking the time out of his or her busy days and reading my web ramblings. Hopefully I’ll improve, probably I’ll just keep writing the same old crap. If you’re happy with that, keep coming back!

Why being a Catholic is better

Pat Robertson V. The Pope:

Pat Robertson told the people of Dover, Pa., that God would punish them for ousting advocates of intelligent design from their school board. "If there is a disaster in your area, don't turn to God. You just rejected Him from your city," Robertson said, adding, "And don't wonder why He hasn't helped you when problems begin, if they begin." Meanwhile, the pope declared that the universe is an "intelligent project" created by divine love. Advocates of ID hailed his remarks as an endorsement.
More here. I think Intelligent Design is stupid. Luckily the Cathlic Church broadly endorses evolution, although every once in a while they say something kooky like the above. Don't get me wrong. The catholic church has been reactionary on every subject, and pretty medieval on everything throughout history (Although they were quite comfortable during the actual 'Medieval' period. Of course they ruled most of europe then. Question: were the cathlics progressive before the year 1000?). But sometime after WWII they accepted the enlightenment and now during mass we sing about a loving God to cheesy guitar music instead of hearing about fire and brimstone and eternal hell for those who look at the uncovered ankles of their shy female schoolmate. So the Pope is generally friendly now (except to gays. and sometimes jews. And occasionally tasteless american prime-time cartoon shows). Osama Bin Laden wants to live in a cave and worship like his religious forefathers did 1400 years ago. If a man wants to live in a cave with only a goat and a rifle for companionship I don't ask questions. More power to him, but occasionally he wants to come out of his cave and commit genocide against myself and people who worship a slightly different variant of the same God. That's where I take issue. Pat Robertson is somewhere in between. Not destined for a cold corner in Hell where he'll spend eternity the victim of the aforementioned goat's unpleasant vengeance, like Osama. No, Pat is just mind-bogglingly stupid. He doesn't want to turn the clock back 1400 years, he just wants to go back to some fake ideal of American piety and propriety that didn't actually exist back in the 1950s. And, after all, his power as a televangelist would be pretty diminished if we were all living in caves. So: Return to simple life, ability to kill all those you disagree with, women as slaves, omnipotent and unquestioned God...wow, all these things sound unsurprisingly like the lifestyles of our primate grandparents. I would love to point out the irony of this to my pal Osama, but he's got a gun and he's been alone with that goat for a looooonng time...

Vampires and Zombies and Aggies

I had a nightmare last night. I was sitting in my parents’ house when I suddenly remembered the Texas-Texas A&M game was on. I turned on the TV and discovered the game was halfway through the 3rd quarter, score tied at 27. My dad then came in and said we had to go blow up some wooden ship that was attached to the car. I frantically tried to find the game on the car radio, but couldn’t get a signal while we burned down the tall ship. The dream ended with me in a bathroom stall, dealing with some sort of intergalactic visitor in my belly, and yelling at the people in the bathroom to tell me score. Then I woke up and remembered the game isn’t until next week. It took me several minutes to calm down and go back to sleep.

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

But is it Europe?

I haven’t written much about Turkey, mostly because it was such a confusing place. I really liked some of Istanbul, and I really hated some of it. Nonetheless I’m extremely happy I went. Oh, and if you haven’t heard it yet, my round trip flight + 3 nights at a 3 star hotel was only 200 dollars. Whenever something on the trip sucked, Jana and I would just say ‘but at least it was cheap.’ What I liked: History: Istanbul is covered in crap – old churches, mosques, forts, buildings, and megalomaniacal monuments to various conquers, shamans, and wannabes. I didn’t manage to see everything I wanted to in the course of 4 days. The city wasn’t nearly as cool as Rome, but history-obsessed Nick still enjoyed it. Europe: Istanbul is pretty European. I was there during a holiday weekend, so some of the people weren’t Istanbulis, and that was sometimes strange (see below). But in old Pera above the old town I couldn’t help but think I was in the middle of some Eurostan hotspot. Bars, cool cafes, designer clothes, teenagers making out, what is more eurotrash than that? The Bosphorous: This is the strait that leads from the Black Sea to the Mediterranean, and Istanbul is built around the thing. It’s strategically obvious: from here you control all shipping traffic to the ports of Bulgaria, Romania, Ukraine, Russia, and some of those Shitistans. I had the chance to take the tourist ferry up the strait, and hike up to and old Byzantine fort on the top. It was probably my favorite part of the trip. The food: The Turks kick ass on this front. I absolutely loved it. The beer: Turkey is my kind of Muslim country. I could buy beer anywhere I went. And everyone seemed to be taking advantage of this little sin. What I didn’t like: Big-City People: Too many people. And they had absolutely no problem walking up to you and trying to get you to come into their restaurant or carpet shop. I heard a couple people say nasty things as we walked away, but I guess that’s the way it is in the big city. The call to prayer: This wasn’t so bad in principle – I understand different religions have their own ways of doing things. My objection is thus: when those guys get on the loudspeaker and sing their prayers, they do it on an eastern musical scale. This means they won’t resolve the chord like we do, and instead hit some note a half step below the triad. It made my teeth hurt. That and they do the damn thing at 5:30 in the morning over loudspeakers that pointed directly into my hotel room. The hotel: 3-star my ass. The place was a piece of crap. But at least it had a toilet The toilets: Turkish toilets scared the hell out of me. They’re mostly just a hole in the ground. Not a big hole, so I wasn’t afraid of falling in. But there wasn’t any toilet paper, and they had a bucket of water next to the thing, and I had no idea what to do with the bucket of water. There didn’t seem to be any device for soaking up the water once used. Luckily I managed to avoid the Sultan’s Revenge, and I was always aware of the location of the nearest McDonalds. The flight: We were delayed 4 hours on the way over. We flew a Turkish airline called ‘Freebird’ that literally had the worst food I could possibly imagine. Inedible cheese pasta – I could vomit up something tastier than that. On the way back our flight was delayed again for another 4 hours, and we flew an airline called ‘Travel Service’, which was owned by the ‘Unicom Group’. A ‘Place Airline Name Here’ company, owned by a vaguely menacing low-level mob money-laundering operation it may have been, but the flight was surprisingly pleasant. Religious people: There were several people around who I wouldn’t be willing to get on an airplane with. My friend Michal, who lived in Izmir for 9 months, told me that the conservative people from the boonies come into town during holiday weekends, and that you rarely see people in religious garb in most Turkish cities. We were there for the end of Eid, which would explain that. The weather: for some reason Istanbul was colder than Prague. The sun came out for a total of 30 minutes the whole trip. Hazy, wet and cold – Not exactly most peoples idea of a Turkish holiday. The verdict: I enjoyed it. I’d like to go back next year, but I’ll probably check out something other than Istanbul. Check out the Istanbul slideshow here.

Monday, November 14, 2005

Istanbul!

The photos are on the photoblog: www.nickmoles.myphotoalbum.com

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

My name is Stavropot

Name days are one of the odder celebrations your noble correspondent has encountered in the Czech Republic. Every day has a particular ‘name’, usually the celebration of a Saint’s feast day. For example – Dec 6th is Mikulas, as it’s St. Nicholas’ feast day. On that day, oddly enough, I’m expected to hand out candies to my co-workers, while they congratulate me on having been given a name at birth. It’s undeniably awkward, giving candy to people I barely know while they fake a smile and are secretly simmering with hatred at this uncoordinated American lout who eats all the cookies in the break room. So today’s nameday schedule looked like this: NAMEDAYS Today: Bohdan Tomorrow: Evžen Prompting this exchange: Me (in email) - What the hell!?!?!?1 Jana - What? Me - Those aren't names. Matthieu - Evžen is Eugene in Czech… I agree, I don’t like the Czech translation… Jana - They are – Evžen – slavný lovec žen (for non czech speakers: Evzen, famous hunter of women) Me - Evžen Moles - My first son. Evžen Constantine Moles - Even better. Evžen Constantine Moles the Third - Just for the hell of it. Incidentally, I think i'll have another keg party on my name day. I'm going to send out elaborate invitations and confuse people into thinking I have no idea what the nameday is. That way I can pretend to be disappointed when they don't bring gifts or get angry and berate them for not wearing furry monkey suits. Lots of opportunity for mischief...

Monday, November 07, 2005

What's up

Wow, my blogging has taken a significant nosedive. But that can be explained: i've been in istanbul eating roasted lamb and dodging waddling turkish women who had no problem grabbing and shoving me out of their way. But the city was cool, lots of history and beer. And there isn't much I love more than history and beer, except the history of beer. prefereably in liquid form. I haven't posted the istanbul pictues yet, but you can see pictures from the Czech Switzerland below. What the hell is the czech switzerland, you may ask? it's a natural park discovered by a pair of swiss travellers. Nice rocks, leaves, and the weather there was probably the warmest it'll be until may, when the beer gardens reopen in triumphal glory. http://nickmoles.myphotoalbum.com/slideshow.php?set_albumName=album04 the best thing about the park: it's about an hour and a half away. amazing! oh, and i just want to prepare everyone: i'm bearded, fat, balding, and losing my ability to speak the english language. I actually do all my communication in gorrila sign language in exchange for old bananas. just a warning.

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

Dresden!

I put together a slideshow from my trip to Dresden. http://nickmoles.myphotoalbum.com/albums.php