Freak Storm

Around the time my Dad and i walked home, I noticed the sky turning dark. It was perhaps the hottest day of the year so I was looking forward to a cooling shower. Dad went back to my place to take a nap, and I took the opportunity to run some errands. As I stood at the tram stop the wind starting blowing strongly, sending dust and grit and leaves into my face. I jumped on the tram just as the first drops of rain began to fall. And fell it did. Well, it more blew sideways. It was like the humid air had suddenly condensed, turning everything into water. Everything was soaked, and it hadn't even cooled off from the ridiculous heat. The rain started to pound harder and harder, and I noticed the guy next to me failing to close the roof vent on the tram. I stood up, and like a brave fool, tried to close the thing. The rain was pouring in, i was nasty sweaty, and suddenly everyone moved away from me. Then I noticed that large pieces of ice were slamming into my now-unprotected scalp. I was like 'what the hell', and realized that it was hailing. on the hottest day of the year golfball-sized blocks of ice were falling from the sky. Everyone sat on the tram , staring in amazement as the sound of a warzone enveloped our rickety public transportation. The doors opened at my tramstop, and I just smiled and sat back down. There was no way in hell I was going out in that. I went a couple more stops, and suddenly it all ended. I jumped off the tram, and watched in amazement as a weird flood of water rushed down Wenceslas Square. You couldn't see the road anywhere, everything was just muddy water. The trams stopped running, so I got lazy and sat at a cafe until the emergency busses came and took me 2 tramstops up the hill to my apartment. That was weird, weird weather. But today it was sunny and 60, so I'm cool with that. Oh, check out these crazy pictures

Summer starts in 2 hours and 10 Minutes

Why? Because that's when I get off. And I finally take vacation. I haven't been on a real vacation since I spent 7 months post-graduating drinking cheap beer in Prague, then accidentally got a job. So where will I be spending my upcoming vacation? Surprisingly enough, in Prague, where I will be able to feast upon the flesh of the living. Wait, that wasn't supposed to slip out. I mean I'll be able to drink cheap beer. And my parents are coming, so that means that my father can buy all my cheap beer for 2 weeks. Life is good. This is a pretty big weekend for me. Tonight, to start my summer vacation, I will do nothing. instead of erecting grand plans for my time off i'm just giving up now, and I accept that transmorphing into living geletin for two weeks is actually a positive thing. Tomorrow I will sleep until 2 in the afternoon, with the windows open to the cool breeze. I will then watch tv in a daze for a couple hours, and maybe bathe myself. A visit to the beergarden is probably in order, to acclimate my body for the evening's activities. I will then attend my gf's party, where i will drink too much beer and dance to classics like 'the final countdown'. I will be loudly yelling nonsense, spraying everyone within range with large amounts of spittle. I will be dancing/flailing like a disoriented baboon, and probably high-fiving everyone in sight. On sunday I will wake up and say 'shit' and close the blinds. I'll then stare at the celing for a while, then get some water. Then i'll say 'shit' and realize i didn't do any cleaning yet for my parents arrival. i'll clean for about 15 minutes, then collapse back in the bed for 2-3 hours watching the same clips rerun on CNN. At some point I'll crawl out of bed and go get some fried meat at the "cool restaurant" across from my apartment. Then I'll slog through the cleaning, paying particular attention to the petrified remains of a once-frozen chicken breast that have become part of the kitchen floor. Oh, and then i'll take the gf to dinner and a classical music concert. I'm not sure how i'm going to connect those two parts of the day. Then on monday my parents arrive. my ideal of how this visit should go is such: I'll spend the week in my room reading and watching tv, while my mom spends most of her time baking and cooking things. and my dad occasionally cleans something. unfortunately i think i'm obliged to give some sort of in-depth historical tour of eastern europe, which will seriously cramp my style of being a lazy, slovenly slacker. damn. anyway, here are some entertaining links for those of you who, like me, don't do too much at work on fridays:

1)CAPE TOWN (Reuters) - A police sniffer dog caused a political stink in South Africa's parliament after leaving its excrement under of the seat of a prominent opposition leader.

I find this damn entertaining. At least it wasn't a dead cat's head, signifying some sort of voodoo curse that would cause all the politician's personal financial records to be released to the general public. That would be gross and horrifying.

2) I had driven 1,800 miles in seven days, eaten 15 barbecue meals in a row, and finally found bliss in Texas. The four Texas barbecue meals I ate in 24 hours were better than any other barbecue I ever had in my life (save my one meal at Cooper's in 1989). I had found my barbecue bliss, and I was done. My lower intestine had ground to a complete stop, and I had a slight pain in my chest. It was time to go home.

Check out David Plotz's barbecue journal at Slate. Good stuff. So i'll try to post something on sunday.

Bored, bored bored

Holy shit I'm bored. but i can't post anything - the creative juices just aren't flowing. damn.

Thursday Posting

So here is some random stuff that will distract you from work: 1) Store Wars. I like organic. 2) Hair Loss: I'm going to be bald soon. But it's okay, because my back hair is slowly creeping up my neck, and will re-colonize my head. Sorta like how the Greeks defeated the Trojans, only to see the Trojan remnant go on to found Rome. Think about that. 3) French Blogs: Apparently the french adademie' has decided that the word 'Blog' is too american. In french, 'weblog' should be 'bloc notes', or 'bloc' for short. And the people who write such things won't be known as 'bloggers', but 'le assholes francais'. 4) Cleaning the gene pool: 'Hey how cool would it be if we filled some pipes with gasoline, then lit it and attempted to swordfight with each other?' No, there shouldn't be any safety risk inherent in any part of that statement. Calling these kids 'retarded' would be insulting to people with Downs syndrome. 5) Michael Jackson is thinking of moving to Europe: I was at the gym this morning, trying to mentally prepare myself for the bench press, when a Jackson song comes on the air. Not old jackson, not black jackson, not even white jackson. Alien Jackson. It was one of his new songs, and it sounded like Peter Pan was trying to seduce one of the Lost Boys. But, since I have no offspring yet, I support Jackson's move to europe. He would actually fit in with all the eurotrash dandies. Except for the whole racial thing. Europeans are pretty racist, and aren't used to the sight of extraterrestrials in their town squares. Oh, here's a great quote from the article:

But where will he go in Europe? There's talk of Paris, and some have said Africa is being mentioned a lot. Brother Jermaine Jackson spends a lot of time in Saudi Arabia, but Michael a) doesn't like the hot sun and b) doesn't much care for Jermaine.

What the hell is Jermaine Jackson doing in Saudi Arabia? 6) Maybe Jackson could go here. 7) More jackson. MORE JACKSON!!! 8) And Barbecue Sorry about all the Jackson. It just seems like every time I read something about the trial I start hysterically laughing. I know it's a serious matter. I should be concerned for the welfare of the children. But everyone involved, even the people on the fringes, are completely batshit insane. Everyone has some bizzare amusing backstory, every person who takes the stand is 2 martinis and a power outage from claiming they've been sexually abused buy a) extraterrestrials, or b)michael Jackson, which is pretty much the same thing. it's just outstanding.

Lack of Blogging

I have nothing to blog about! I'm sorry. Next week my poor parents will have to drink mass quantities of beer, so I will be photoblogging. Stay tuned.

Playa Hatah Vadah

Last night I witnessed another one of those seminal geek events, a Star Wars opening night. It was sorta like in the US – smelly weirdos dressed up as muppets and gravediggers. Except they had hot girlfriends – thank God for the Czech Republic. Revenge of the Sith wasn’t a normal movie, so I can’t give it a normal rating. In the common good American move, there’s about 10% terrible stuff, 60% mediocre stuff, and 30% awesome stuff (i.e. TROY...wait, that wasn't good...). This movie is different. It’s about 40% god awful cringe-inducing makes me want to vomit, mixed with 60% of smiling at the awesomeness as animated muppets swordfight with septagenarians on interstellar battleships. Is it good? Not really. But I predict I’ll probably watch it all-the-way-through about 10 more times in my entire life, I’ll see parts on TV about 20 times, and it’ll play incessantly through any future offspring’s traumatized childhood. Good? No..but damned entertaining, fascinating, flatulence, boring, stupid. Anyway, here are some highlights: 1) Natalie Portman as Carrie Fisher’s mom. Except Carrie Fisher isn’t wearing a bikini as a giant worm licks her. She only shows up as a freshly hatched baby. That's so Michael Jackson. 2) Wait, that last one was supposed to be about how Portman comes out of bed wearing this nightgown that would be technically impossible to wear to bed unless you’re into that stuff with whips. But I really wanted to work Michael Jackson somewhere into this post. 3) Reading some great quotes on the internet over the last few days, like this one:

When a friend of mine went to see Return of the Jedi with her two sisters, here's how three good young Catholic girls responded when a character pronounced, "May the Force be with you." In unison, they recited back, "And also with you."

4) Bad dialog. Really really bad dialog. Padme "Hold me...like you held me by the lake on Naboo". I’m not sure how George Lucas managed to be a billionaire moviemaker by writing cringe-worthy shit like that. 5) Good Dialog: Palpatine, seeing Yoda, calls him “…my little green friend…”, then makes evil cackling noises. That’s all I ask, George. That’s all… 6) Ugly Dialog: Vader, upon hearing og his wife’s death: “KKKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHNNNNNNN!!!” 7) Too many robots. They’re all over the place, zipping along the floor, complaining about their mothers, prostituting themselves to the robot army on shore leave. 8) Everything is spiffy and clean, and if it wasn’t then George went back and regenerated it cleanly on a computer. And made it shoot blue missiles. I liked how everything was breaking down in the original series. It made it more believable. 9) Darth Vader’s Blog. Again, thank you Internet. 10) The scene where Anakin kills all the little Jedi, the ‘Younglings’. The result looked like the aftermath of a field trip colliding with an unlocked wine cellar at the Neverland Ranch. Darth Jacko. Well that was stupid. But the haters out there can’t complain. It’s a post. Enjoy, comment, regurgitate at your own leisure.

Lame Geeks

I'll be seeing Revenge of the Sith tonight at 12:01. Obviously this is the first showing in the CR. Lame, yes. But when I was 18 I actually stood in line for 6 hours in order to get a good seat. Tonight I will drink a beer with my friend, then wander into my assigned seat. That's an improvement. As for people who have commented that they've NEVER SEEN STAR WARS (including a couple of people in my office today)...where have you been? i mean, did you miss out on the last 30 years of western civilization? Are you watching too many episodes of american idol (or the incredibly stupid czech version, 'superstar')? oh wait, i just answered my own question.

Comment Below

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Open forum for you weirdos to comment.

DVD Region Settings

I have won the battle to watch my Family Guy DVD's in full surround sound. On a european DVD player. I have beaten the man. Primer: Movie companies release films on different dates around the world. in order to ensure that someone doesn't just order a dvd of Passion of the Christ, instead of going to the theater when it opens in Rangoon next week, they put different regions on dvd's. american discs only play on american players, european in europe, yemeni on yemeni, etc... I find this a personal affront. Luckily a lot of people do as well. enabler: the internet. When i first tried to get my computer to play both, i realized that my ibook was hard-wired only to play one, and i could only switch regions 5 times. so i downloaded a new media program that play every region. Score: Nick 1, assholes 0 Round 2: I recently put a surround-sound system and dvd player into my room. but the dvd player was locked on region 2. i got on the internet, found the code, and went home. i then changed the region code to '0', so that i could watch the 'garden state' dvd that my parents sent over to me. it worked, and i enjoyed the film Score: Nick 2, assholes 0 So why the attempts to constrain Nick? well, it mainly has to do with old people. once again, the technically retarded don’t know how the world works now. Information moves over old borders, and yearns to be free of paleocorporate constraints. If some businessman from Cape Town legally purchases some animated porn during a trip to Tokyo, why can’t he watch it in the privacy of his post-apartheid dvd player? anyway, I win. I just wanted to wallow in my own crapulence.

Dejvicka Demarkace or however the hell it's spelled...

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So the best food was at the Polish tent. I got these cool Perogi (sp?) and there was a bitchin' Polish jazz quartet. Their singer sounded like Louis Anderson. And looked like an extremely white Pole. strange times.

I spent most of my time in the Soviet tent, drinking beer. An excellent end to liberation weekend.

After Letna

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After walking down from Letna, we went over to Starometske Namesti. Jana claimed that something was happening over there. Of course, there was nothing. It was deader than dead. Even the tourists looked bored.

That's when I proposed going to Dejvicka, as I heard something was going on there. Jana postulated that we would end up in the same situation there, looking around for a festival that wasn't happening.

Of course I was right, and it was a huge street party. There were six tents (Czech, Polish, Soviet, American, French, and British) with different ethnic food and music. And they had a huge stage playing music. In the picture above you can see a Polish military band. They kicked ass.

The advantages of living in Prague 2

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I hope my friends living in Houston aren't too jealous. Actually I hope they are. Remember, guys: best beer in the world = $1.

Now they're green with envy.

The advantages of living in Prague

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As I groggily left the park, I came upon this. Always puts a smile on the face.

Unfortunate Sunday Morning

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Somehow I managed to wake up on sunday, which wasn't an entirely pleasant experience. But it was V-E day, and I was determined to get the most out of the day as I could. Especially since I had no idea what that was. Apparently it included beer and sausage (first ingested at noon!)

So I went to Letna park to check out their military exhibit. They had a simulated US army encampment, complete with 48-star era flag. The thing that really bothered me was that the Americans NEVER CAME TO PRAGUE. Patton made it to Plzen, and then was told to stop. The Soviets liberated prague.

Of course the czechs despise the soviets, because of their numerous violations of property and women. Someone wrote an article about how Americans and British were just as bad as the Soviets. Well I spent the weekend hanging around with people who experienced both. There's no relativism here - people like the americans, hate the russians.

Beer Vatican

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After it started raining, Jana and I decided to visit the Beer Vatican, AKA Pilsner Urquell Brewery. I had a good lunch, and 'liberated' several beers. Obviously this became a running joke, as i managed to liberate several liters during the course of the day.

Then I met up with a manager from my company, and we proceeded to continue drinking. eventually i got into a political discussion with his friend, in which i either 1) destroyed his arguments, or 2) acted like an ass. I'm not sure which one happened, maybe both, maybe neither. But I have learned 2 lessons:
1) I probably won't be working for that manager anytime soon, and
2) no more political discussions while drinking. talking about girls - okay. talking about the Global War on Terror - bad.

Stained Glass

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After the parade, and before the music and rain and drunkenness, I visited the local church, and managed to capture the elusive 'stained glass photo'. Enjoy.

Bad Picture

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I wish I had gotten a picture of a veteran. Instead I get this questionable fellow, who could barely liberate his grandma after a fall.

Last Weekend

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So last saturday I decided to attend Plzen's liberation celebration. About 100,000 people lined the streets to watch a group of classic cars filled with old american veterans roll by. People clapped and cheered the americans, and an old czech lady went over and kissed and old veteran. it was something to see.

Afterwards there was supposed to be a big outdoor party, but the weather turned cold and rainy. i was in the beer tent, which was about 20 degrees warmer. and was hitting about 100% humidity. but i cooled off with my frequent trips to the port-a-john.

Happy 2 days before V-E Day

Today's work attire consists of the following: 2) Tennis shoes, 2) White socks, 1) Pair of Gap Jeans, 1) White long-sleeved undershirt, and 1) 'Don't Mess with Texas' orange T-Shirt. My dress code is pretty linear - on monday i show up in a conservative dark shirt, with slacks, and nice shoes. By tuesday I'm wearing sneakers. Jeans usually show up thursday, if not wednesday. But today's the first day I've worn a t-shirt. And i'm getting paid, folks. I'm getting paid. Sunday is V-E Day, which stands for 'Victory in Europe' for those of you who watch 'American Idol' DVD-box sets. In celebration, I'm going to the town of Plzen (Pilsen) to drink beer and meet old american guys who will also be drinking beer. I hope to be regailed by hazy stories half remembered, half fabricated about drinking beer in west Bohemia. Maybe i'll even make a few stories of my own. I'm optimistic that beer + incoherent veterans + rusty military equipment = more fun than I've had in years. And tetanus.

Links

The internet is a fun place to play: I really like the picture on this one. Check out the description of the human as ‘hapless’. We’re all screwed when faced with prehistoric sharks. Or fake electronic sharks. Hell, I’m pretty screwed when faced with an ‘Open Water’ Dvd-wielding girlfriend. I was scared. This is interesting. Apparently I can become an Italian citizen, as long as my great-grandfather didn’t renounce his Italian citizenship in front of an Italian authority. This would have the immediate effect of granting me a sense of fashion, as well as giant sunglasses. Time Traveler Convention. “Technically, you would only need one time traveler convention. Time travelers from all eras could meet at a specific place at a specific time, and they could make as many repeat visits as they wanted. We are hosting the first and only Time Travller Convention at MIT on Saturday, and WE NEED YOUR HELP!” That’s so incredibly cool. I want to get drunk and be scolded by Moses. And I want further commandments to be revealed, especially ‘Thou shalt not vote for the ‘American Idol’. It’s even got a ‘down with paganism’ ring to it. Finally, check out this awful picture of Prague’s old Stalin statue, known as the ‘Meat Queue’. Luckily they blew it up back in the 50’s, so I don’t have to look at it every day. They stuck a giant metronome there after ’89, since no one could figure out what to do with the place. But it serves a very important service: it’s a great place for people to go and get a view of the city.

Prague photoblogging

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The obligatory castle picture

The view

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I'm partial to this one.

Cool

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The aforementioned 'view'.

Petrin Park

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On sunday, after spending most of the morning and early afternoon in bed, recovering from Saturday's bad decisions, I went to Petrin hill. Big hill, lots of people, good weather, hell of a view. It rocked.

Dirty Frenchman

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This is my Frog roommate, Matthieu (pronounced 'Matthew'*). Although I suppose the politically correct term is 'cheese eating surrender monkey.' I usually just call him 'dude', and the 'dude' can hold his own in the beer arena.

*Not actually, but as a card carrying member of the heterosexual persuasion, I just can't say the french 'thieu'

Saturday

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Saturday was really cool. I woke up at about noon, slightly groggy and feeling lazy. But the sheer awesomeness of the weather managed to persuade me to go outside and do some jogging. In reward for this amazing feat, I decided to go to the beergarden - at 4 in the afternoon.

My roommate, Matthieu, and I managed to hit up 3 beergardens within 5 minutes walking distance of my apartment. This reaffirms my faith in God.

My Home

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This is where the magic happens! I'd really like MTV's cribs to come to my place. There is a bamboo stick hanging on the wall that we could convert to a 'dancing' pole. And I could invite about 5 people to sit around my place and look like they aren't leaving for a long time.

Unfortunately my lack of cars, African tribal art, bland McMansion decorations, Shaq, expensive champagne, or any other redeeming quality will probably prevent that. And my terminal lack of notoriety.

Viva La Revolution..

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Che Guevarra sucks. But for some reason, people like to wear a picture of his face on their shirts. Or spray paint it onto buildings, to help spread his underground message of leftist revolution.

Apparently Michael Jackson is the new hero of the disenchanted youth. I really can't explain this.

Stupid Public Art

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Aaah, you must love inexplicable public art. About 3 weeks ago Jana and I went to the little czech town of Liberec, to celebrate one year of hanging around. Specifically, one year of Jana putting up with listening to my stupid bullshit at coffee shops. She seems content.