Playa Hatah Vadah

Last night I witnessed another one of those seminal geek events, a Star Wars opening night. It was sorta like in the US – smelly weirdos dressed up as muppets and gravediggers. Except they had hot girlfriends – thank God for the Czech Republic. Revenge of the Sith wasn’t a normal movie, so I can’t give it a normal rating. In the common good American move, there’s about 10% terrible stuff, 60% mediocre stuff, and 30% awesome stuff (i.e. TROY...wait, that wasn't good...). This movie is different. It’s about 40% god awful cringe-inducing makes me want to vomit, mixed with 60% of smiling at the awesomeness as animated muppets swordfight with septagenarians on interstellar battleships. Is it good? Not really. But I predict I’ll probably watch it all-the-way-through about 10 more times in my entire life, I’ll see parts on TV about 20 times, and it’ll play incessantly through any future offspring’s traumatized childhood. Good? No..but damned entertaining, fascinating, flatulence, boring, stupid. Anyway, here are some highlights: 1) Natalie Portman as Carrie Fisher’s mom. Except Carrie Fisher isn’t wearing a bikini as a giant worm licks her. She only shows up as a freshly hatched baby. That's so Michael Jackson. 2) Wait, that last one was supposed to be about how Portman comes out of bed wearing this nightgown that would be technically impossible to wear to bed unless you’re into that stuff with whips. But I really wanted to work Michael Jackson somewhere into this post. 3) Reading some great quotes on the internet over the last few days, like this one:

When a friend of mine went to see Return of the Jedi with her two sisters, here's how three good young Catholic girls responded when a character pronounced, "May the Force be with you." In unison, they recited back, "And also with you."

4) Bad dialog. Really really bad dialog. Padme "Hold me...like you held me by the lake on Naboo". I’m not sure how George Lucas managed to be a billionaire moviemaker by writing cringe-worthy shit like that. 5) Good Dialog: Palpatine, seeing Yoda, calls him “…my little green friend…”, then makes evil cackling noises. That’s all I ask, George. That’s all… 6) Ugly Dialog: Vader, upon hearing og his wife’s death: “KKKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHNNNNNNN!!!” 7) Too many robots. They’re all over the place, zipping along the floor, complaining about their mothers, prostituting themselves to the robot army on shore leave. 8) Everything is spiffy and clean, and if it wasn’t then George went back and regenerated it cleanly on a computer. And made it shoot blue missiles. I liked how everything was breaking down in the original series. It made it more believable. 9) Darth Vader’s Blog. Again, thank you Internet. 10) The scene where Anakin kills all the little Jedi, the ‘Younglings’. The result looked like the aftermath of a field trip colliding with an unlocked wine cellar at the Neverland Ranch. Darth Jacko. Well that was stupid. But the haters out there can’t complain. It’s a post. Enjoy, comment, regurgitate at your own leisure.