Responses

I have been forced to respond to Kyle's comment on the Shakira issue, due to his proposed boycott of commenting. I want to encourage more random commenting, so I'll say this: Maybe she's outta commission. But I don't think the Brazilian Ass-Shakin Hall of Fame has really high standards. Shakira had a great run though. It was funny, it was enchanting. When she shook...it was like her ass was the only thing that was still, and it was the rest of the world that was shaking. And that is my eulogy. I don't think she could sing very well anyway. This is my last and final post about Shakira. I don't think I have any more to add or comment about. Kyle, if you wish to start your own blog, I think you have your subject. If you could make it an interesting daily read I would be pretty amazed, but I guess as a Marketing major that wouldn't be such a big deal.

Blesk

I like the czech tabloid Blesk. Mostly because it has a naked woman on the back cover. Considering how many people read it on the Metro, this makes my commute that much better. Anyway, they have a great article on why the new czech Prime Minister is like the Simpson's Mayor Quimby. Translation will come as soon as girlfriend has time.

Disappointment

There's a new american manager at the office. He's married to a czech woman, and they're about to have a baby. I was pretty excited today, 'cause I wanted to go over and chat about how funny it would be to give the kid a crazy old czech name, like Vlastimil. How funny it'd be if there was a Miromil Smith walking around some Tennessee high school in 15 years. But apparently he had already joked with his family about that possibility. I was a little disappointed.

Odds and Ends

Kyle wanted me to post on what happened to Shakira. She had a season-ending butt injury, which is a nice way of saying a severe overextension of the shaking device. She's rehabbing in the minors, but should be back in the majors upon approval by her voodoo doctors. Never fear, God wants Shakira back and breaking his laws of nature.

Russia Sucks

Dubya's good ole' boy, Vladdie Putin, recently said this:

MOSCOW - The collapse of the Soviet Union was "the greatest political catastrophe of the last century," Russian president Vladimir Putin said Monday as he delivered his annual state of the nation address.

I can't say I agree with this. I believe the collapse of the Soviet Union was the second greatest political achievement of the twentieth century. After the defeat of Hitler, of course. The legacy of the USSR is one of economic ruin, ideological bankruptcy, racism, alcoholism, laziness, and, of course, terrible, terrible architecture. The Soviet Union left no legacy of great art, unless you count the authors like Sholzenytzen (sp?) who wrote about how awful it was. The collapse of the USSR was absolutely necessary. It spread ideological filth around the world in an unprecedented way. South America still stinks of it, although their capitalist systems inevitably fall into corruption. Maybe that continent just needs a lobotomy. Or they could outsource their collective governments to Singapore, which actually wouldn’t be such a bad idea. But they better not interfere with one of the world’s greatest treasures, the bottom-shaking Brazilian woman. The biggest problem of the hangover (perhaps the worst hangover in history) is jealousy. Before, under the old system, everyone was poor. Your run-of-the-mill neurologist lived in a crappy concrete apartment tower next to the construction worker. Now the neurologist drives an Audi. And the construction worker still lives in the crappy flat. Although everyone has benefited politically, the economic situation is more mixed. Well, by mixed I mean 10,000 times better. But some people do not benefit. Pensioners still are poor, and are jealous when they see their neighbours get a new car. People who have suddenly found themselves in a comfortable middle-class lifestyle feel guilty and vote for socialist parties. Was the collapse of the USSR hard on people in Russia? Yes. But the simple existence of the Soviet government was even harder. By the end they couldn’t manage to produce toilet paper. And the politicians alone were producing large quantities of shit.

The Crusades

As a small child, I learned that the crusades were journeys of christian knights to the holy land. Bravery, family, and victory ensued. Of course this isn't true, as I learned later in life. Here's a good article on the subject.

Bound for Jerusalem, the zealots of the First Crusade used some spectacularly grotesque tactics as they marched southward in 1098. After winning a victory at Aleppo in February of that year, a Crusader army took the severed heads of its victims and marched to Antioch, where it catapulted them over the city walls and onto the residents. In December, the Christian army fell upon the people of Ma'arra. Then it ate them. "In Ma'arra our troops boiled pagan adults in cooking-pots; they impaled children on spits and devoured them grilled," wrote the Frankish chronicler Radulph of Caen, cited in Amin Maalouf's The Crusades Through Arab Eyes. (The Christian commanders acknowledged the cannibalism in a letter to the pope, who had ordered the Crusade, saying famine made them do it.)

One could say that this is a sign of a dead-end culture wheezing it's last few gasps of power before it expired. But instead something very different happened.

Though the Crusaders were on the ragtag side themselves, their zeal and barbarity enabled them to plow through Muslim states that were weak and constantly at war with one another. Maalouf, who is a Lebanese journalist and novelist, makes an interesting observation in the epilogue to his Crusades book. After 300 years, the Crusaders were ultimately defeated and their principalities destroyed; the Arab world seemed to have won a stunning victory. But then a strange thing happened: The culture of the barbaric Europeans went on to retrench and prosper. Arab culture, which had been at a scientific and artistic peak, slid into decline. Western civilization prospered, moreover, in part thanks to ideas it picked up in the East. The invaders learned Arabic, and through it inherited the learning of Greek civilization, which had not been preserved in Europe. "In medicine, astronomy, chemistry, geography, mathematics, and architecture, the Franj drew their knowledge from Arabic books, which they assimilated, imitated, and then surpassed," Maalouf writes. Centuries later, a handful of Asian states would do the same thing vis-à-vis Western civilization, becoming economic powers that would invent and produce cameras like mine. The Arabs quite naturally did not learn the invaders' languages. "Throughout the Crusades, the Arabs refused to open their own society to ideas from the West," Maalouf writes. "And this, in all likelihood, was the most disastrous effect of the aggression of which they were the victims."

The important thing here? I don't really know. I'm just thinking how embaressing it would be to have to explain to the Pope why you ate people. Just kidding. But it paints an interesting parallel with today - Zealots trying to destroy a civilization. Maybe hundreds of years of warfare can be averted by making sure those countries open up to western ideas, like democracy and the rule of law. Maybe...

Out of context quotes

these are weird: 1) "I don't need to found a religion to have multiple wives" - Daniel 2) "Yeah, I gotta go cold-call a dog treat company. Yay!!" - Kyle 3) "So it turns out that I will not get to serve my time in the Sand Box...I will be doing time in the Albanian province known as Kosovo. I volunteered several times to go to Iraq or Afghanistan." - Lil'Steve

Google and Conspiracy

Everyone loves a conspiracy theory right? Well Google Maps and some crazy internet unemployed nuts are proud to bring you : Area 51!

Second Renaissance

So NASA discovered some way to read faded old documents. This is exciting for people who like to read soap operas by guys who died 300 years ago written in a dead language.

The original papyrus documents, discovered in an ancient rubbish dump in central Egypt, are often meaningless to the naked eye - decayed, worm-eaten and blackened by the passage of time. But scientists using the new photographic technique, developed from satellite imaging, are bringing the original writing back into view. Academics have hailed it as a development which could lead to a 20 per cent increase in the number of great Greek and Roman works in existence. Some are even predicting a "second Renaissance".

Now who believes this will happen? I could barely sit through 'Antigone' in high school, much less pronounce it. I sincerely doubt more people are going to 'rediscover' the classics than are currently 'rediscovering' the 1980's. After all, Joe Six-Pack feels pretty cultured these days if he can tell the difference between Depeche Mode and Duran Duran.

Fat Americans

I know it's a cliche', but the first thing I notice once I get back to Texas (besides the fact that it's about 2000 degrees outside) is that everyone is fat. 80% of the people at any given restaurant have a large mound hanging over their belt. And about half that have the mound below the belt, which I don't understand at all and makes me cringe in spiritual pain. There are many reasons for this - people drive around everywhere, dinner portions the size of an elephant turd, inexcusable laziness. Europeans who go to the US inevitably gain about 20 pounds while they are there. I don't know where I'm going with this, but there was a great article in the IHT yesterday about it. Check this out:

As my cab clattered through Brooklyn, negotiating a road with enough humps and bumps to resemble a low-grade roller coaster, teenage kids were emerging from school. To be a teenager is not a happy state: the skin erupts, the body distends, the mind rebels. But, even by these standards, the procession looked sinister. . These adolescents all appeared to have very small heads. On closer inspection, it became clear that this was an illusion caused by the enormous dimensions of their bodies. In fact, these forms scarcely resembled bodies at all; they were more like big clumps of amorphous flesh heaving with some difficulty across the street. . Of course, the clothing did not help the general impression: pants sagging between the knees, reversed baseball caps on those tiny heads, smocklike tops suggestive of billowing tents on some of the girls. America's youth on the march! No wonder the world feels a little fearful.

Charismatic Catholics

I'm a catholic, and happy to be one. Sometimes I feel bad about ignoring some of the teachings of the church, but not that much. Luckily the church has no problems with beer consumption or dancing, so it fits me pretty well. I also like the intellectual heft of an institution that's been around for about two millenia. I like the respectful (boring to some) masses that I go to on sundays (when I'm not too hungover). And I like looking around myself at mass and seeing catholics from all over (which is interesting in a country that is 95% Czech). As I said, there is one thing you can't call a Catholic mass: exciting. But there has been a lot of push in the developing world for a 'charismatic' catholicism, incorporating elements of protestantism. To a guy who likes the latin High Mass, this sounds ridiculous. Seeing those big-tent revivals in Texas turned me off of the whole evangelical thing. It seems kinda childish - as if people need miracles every five minutes, they need a sweaty, charismatic pastor screaming at them. In some ways it seems almost like they're looking for the religion of their youth, where Jesus was the nice man you prayed to if you wanted a new toy car for your birthday. Where they weren't beset by doubts over their own faith. Going back to the catholic 'charismatists', i suppose it is a good thing if it brings people back to the church. but this just bothers me...

Pizzamiglio clearly isn't eager to completely embrace the charismatic movement. Once, he recounted, some of the fourth-Sunday attendees wanted to institute "spirit baptisms," but a bishop intervened, reminding members of the congregation that they had already been baptized once. Still, Pizzamiglio acknowledges that the turnout for his charismatic services is always a bit larger than the crowds for traditional Mass. So, on those Sundays, he moves his body a little more, speaks a little more informally and sings along with the other voices. "It's not a big adjustment," he said. "In the same way I alter the Mass for children on Saturdays, I alter it a little on the fourth Sunday of the month."

Gnomes and Grandmas

LONDON, England (AP) -- A grandmother stopped an intruder from entering her home by lobbing a heavy garden gnome at him, police said Friday. Jean Collop was woken early on Tuesday morning by the sound of an intruder on the roof of her home in Wadebridge, southwest England. "I grabbed the first thing that came to hand -- one of my garden gnomes -- and hurled it at him, and hit him," she recalled. "He lay there and I began to scream. I went back into the kitchen and found a rolling pin in case he came down. I didn't want to break another gnome."

The thing I like about this, besides the gnome-wielding grandma, is the fact that these two people probably had very, very different ideas about the value of a garden gnome.

sorry

Hi folks - sorry about lack of blogging! I've actually been really busy at work, and have been unable to post anything. That and the fact that blogger hasn't been working. but i'll get back into it next week.

internet stuff

okay so here's the third post of the day, but i'm excited. I found some crazy cool stuff on the internet 1) Check out the picture of my house. crazy stuff. 2) The Wayback machine. It actually has archives of my old website!

Intelligence Records

Why would you ever tape intimate recordings? I came across this gem on slate today:

Camillagate revealed alleged recordings of intimate telephone calls between Charles and Camilla made in 1989: "Oh God," says the prince at one point, "I'll just live inside your trousers or something. It would be so much easier." "What are you going to turn into?" Camilla darts back. "A pair of knickers or something?" "Or, God forbid, a Tampax," replies Charles. It is for this reason, if no other, that 59 percent of the British public believes that Charles deserves to be crowned king

. Really? What are people thinking? What good could come of recording that (except for making me laugh for a couple minutes)? And for that matter - celebrity sex tapes. It's going to get out. Why press record?

Terminal Velocity

It is customary to give up your seat to the old people on the tram. Because there is no european version of florida, the old people here are particularly decrepit. Most people are polite enough to move and let the foagie sit down, which they usually do with excruciating sound effects/gaseous emmissions. I object in no way to this. What I do object to are the people that aren't quite old enough to be worthy of it yet. They get on the tram and come and stand right next to me. I look at them, especially their dyed hair, and figure that if some fifty year old woman can dye her hair bright red then she can stand for two stops until I get off the metro. She'll huff and puff a little bit, and look longingly at everyone else sitting down, but my pity is reserved for those ancient ladies that make even the oldsters give up their seats. Oh, and I hate the women with those cards. Some people get a government card that says you must give up your seat to them. I was on the metro once when some old woman got on board. she looked around wildly, than shot at me like a banshee, screaming and thrusting her card at me. I was so shocked and confused that i stood up before i even knew what was happening. she sat down and looked extremely contented. It must have been the highlight of her month.

Febio Fest

The Village Cinemas at Andel, normally a half-empty american style mega-cinema, is hosting a film festival this week. I've already been to three movies, and I must say the place kicks ass. Besides the giant baloon-gateway thing, the paper-cutouts in the trees, and the giant red carpet going through the mall there, the place is great mainly because it's a party. The outdoor cafe is happnin', people are dancing to the variety of musical acts playing in the stupid pseudo-italian restaurant next door, and generally enjoying the hell out of themselves. I've seen more movies in the past 5 days than I had in the past six months. On sunday afternoon I saw Napolen Dynamite, which was weirdly great. Sunday evening I saw some Peruvian movie with Jana. It was about the Shining Path, and how they kidnapped kids for their army. It was in spanish, with french subtitles, so I was a bit confused. But it was good overall. And last night I saw Garden State. My girlfriend regulary accuses me of disliking movies about relationships. This is true. I hate watching dumb people have overwrought heartfelt confessions of infidelity, or tedious discussions of their personal faults and fears. It's all crap as far as I'm concerned. I do enjoy some movies of the type - Amelie, for example. Garden State was about relationships. And it was great. Mainly because it was about people I could relate to. Notably the people that are between college and whatever. I can't recommend this movie highly enough. Go see it. Oh, and it's wicked funny.

On Movies

I saw Napoleon Dynamite today. That movie is so incredibly awesome. That kid was amazingly awkward. Even moreso than myself in high school. C'mon, folks, back me up here...

Weekend Update

Lucerna has turned into the eastern version of Ibiza. I went there on friday for Jana's friend Jana's birthday party. I like Lucerna, after all it's the place that brought together a drunken american (me) with a much prettier girl than i deserve (the gf). I enjoy the somewhat dingy atmosphere, the cheesy music, and the fact that people there are having fun. You go to some clubs and everyone is a little too drugged up, a little too concerned with how they look, and generally trying to find happiness in alcohol and lax moral activity. At Lucerna people are just happy. Except Lucerna on Friday had a big nasty injection of Britishness. The girls were unattractive and pasty, the guys were loud and in the majority. Oh yeah, I didn't mention my favorite feature of Lucerna, the usual 60/40 girl/guy ratio. This is the first place I had ever experienced that. We used to go to clubs in austin and say 'hey, where the hell are all the girls??' Apparently they were all at lucerna. Unfortunately the club is now a haven of drunk british tourists, like some spectatular sociological thesis waiting to happen. There were guys in dresses, girls in giant 'hen parties', trying to out-do the guys in moral depravity. There was one particular guy whose dancing was inspirational for everyone, though. He was some fat middle-aged british guy that seemed to be having a revelation, making hand motions like a mystic priest. Then he would suddenly start shaking like in an epileptic attack. I decided he probably should have kept his spiritual insight to himself. Last night I went to the Tulip cafe with some friends. I was a little bit drunk, and a little bit talkative. I spent about an hour or so yelling at my Slovak, Austrian, and Spanish friends about why america represented the last hope of western civilization. I wasn't making much sense, and I apologize to anyone in the vicinity (notably the rather bored gf) for my boorish behavior. We did, however, raise our glasses to the Pope. John Paul II, or 'The Deuce', as I call him in my less lucid moments, was a superstar. I saw him in Rome, and I was smitten like a schoolgirl reading 'Tiger Beat'. The man was electrifying, and it's hard for me to imagine the church without him. Nazdravi

I hate April 1.

I don't like April 1st. I'm bustin' my ass today at work, trying to survive until I can get some beer. I log onto this site - WTF??! Willie Nelson here!?! Tonight!! I cancel my plans, I email my friends in Austin, and I generally start frothing at the mouth. Then I look at my phone. 01. Apr. Damn.