Flash to Trash

Has it really come to this? Rural Texas is a hotbed for attractive chicks - walk into any sandwich shop in a burg in the sticks and you're likely to see some beautiful country girl. Blonde, slim, and wearing tiny denim shorts, these boondock bombshells captivated me as a teenager. And yet they were always with some fat, disgusting mom the size of a blue whale pup. Gradually I came to realize that they were the same species, except that the young girl was simply the first stage in the life cycle of white trash. After years of being dragged to church beauty pageants and cosmotology classes with their stepmothers, these young ladies rebel like crazy once they achieve adolescence. Poor grades, a waitressing job at Denny's, and a boyfriend driving an IROC-Z all contribute to her eventual downfall. But I had still never seen 'the missing link', where traces of a beautiful past are still evident under a pound of cosmetic crime. But now we have Britney Spears. i'm not sure who to thank for her parental escapades, her deadbeat boyfriend, or the constant stream of journalists who gleefuly chronicle this slow-motion descent into the trailer park. But this catastrophe can make us all feel a little bit better about ourselves.