Kyle's Roommate

I spent 3 years living with Kyle Sonnonstine, one of the stranger examples of humanity that have crossed my path so far. He currently has a roommate, Brady, who is an attractor of extreme situations, some to his benefit and many to his detriment. I wrote an email to Kyle this morning inquiring on Brady's latest antics, and here was his response:

Friday was an interesting night for young brady. I was sick, but agreed to accompany him out nonetheless. We started at a pretty empty bar that had been cleared out by a shitty cover band. Then we went next store to the bier market. We were hit on by 3 different groups of girls during the night. Weird huh? Each time was so awkward. They would come and just kinda say hi and stand there and not do anything. We had to do all the conversation starting. They just presented themselves. It was just awkward. But brady did manage to snag the attention of a young polish blonde named Magdalena. She was there with some tool she met on the internet. Said tool was in a t-shirt and umbros, flopping his hair all around while he danced like some ‘80s sprocket. Fucking Kanadiens. It turns out this tool’s ex-girlfriend (who was quite hot) was also there. so he and his exgirlfriend went outside to talk. At this point brady of course went in for the kill. I thought he had it in the bag. And this chick was hot. Great body. Great dancer. And polish. Pretty cool. The tool was out there forever. I thought he maybe had just left with his ex. While he was out Brady had even gotten to the point of extending the invitation to come back to our place which was just 4 blocks up the street, instead of driving precariously home. Just when I thought she was gonna crack, tool came back to drag her away. And it was almost literally a drag. It was so amusing. There was this chick, her right arm being pulled by the tool, she was looking back at brady like “sorry”. Brady was about 10 feet away. Then she stopped. I thought she was gonna stay. There was this really awkward moment in the crowded bar where there was just one open space – and it was the 5 feet between brady and the chick, and then another 5 feet between chick and tool. And her head literally was turning back and forth, evaluating each option. She went with the tool. Brady was pretty livid and belligerent for the rest of the night.